The Line Up

The following is a debriefing of the characters in my first non-fiction book. Each man has been given an alias name that I feel is most deserving.

Kurt – begged me to pick him up and drive since he had scored such an amazing parking spot. Forgot his wallet and to mention that he had a girlfriend. This story goes down as the most famous of all, see the Excerpt from the Book

Ken– if soul mates exist, he was my lust mate. Ken is the only man who reappears throughout the book

Biggie – won $80,000 on our date at the horse races and didn’t offer to take me out for dinner or even a drink after

Cliff – fractured my wrist while saving this man’s life

Mack – serious mack daddy who I fell head over heals for. Father of one and ex-wife who had bruised him so bad all he knew how to do was play women

Herb – online crazy date. I learned to never meet a man at his house when you don’t know who he is or what he may be on

Oscar – the grouch when he found out I wasn’t about to sleep with him

Rod – my big catch if the rules had come down to how much I loved his family

Woody – sold me my mattress and ended up being 21. Need I say more?

Rob – sat next to me on flight from San Diego to Oregon. After one too many cocktails we robbed ourselves Christmas with our families

Nellie – had more than just a gold tooth in his mouth. Somewhere he had a gold wedding band lying around as well

Dick – met him when I posted an add about myself on Craigslist. Despite my writing and self healing, he remains just a dick

Curly and Moe – two of the three stooges I met through online dating. I had no interest in meeting Larry after either date

Sal – short for Sally. He had the highest level of estrogen that I had ever found in a man

Edward – hotel owner that I met while vacationing in Aruba. He took me on a very spontaneous, lovely dinner date

Lyle – had never lied in the arms of a woman overnight…if you know what I mean

Frank – sold me my car and then asked me to dinner. Was completely frank when he refused to pay and asked if I was interested in being his booty call

No name – met on a flight leaving Guatemala. He was bruised and broken after falling off a mountain and I was in a walking cast. Later he found me on match.crap and asked me out

Firefighters – they saved my life and I made them all cookies. One was named pop tart and they raved about my job as a candy buyer. The whole situation was “sweet” and yet the cookies still crumbled

Les – wish I’d liked him a lot less. The guy who dumped me via text on the hospital bed because apparently I had my life just a little too together